did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
