No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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