I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
