Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
