giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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