I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
