I don't think brook has ever known best
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize