Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
