I'm going to jail i love you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
