I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bring me that man meat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize