Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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