you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
