first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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