No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
