I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
