So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
