Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
