thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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