Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
