Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
