are you so shy because you have an std?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
