His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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