I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
