His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
