we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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