I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
