I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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