im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Randomize
