HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
