You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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