i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize