I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
