I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
