I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
