mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
