I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry my hands just texted you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize