the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
