We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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