I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
