I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
