why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
