coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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