you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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