I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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