Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
