A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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