wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
