I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
