i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
