I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
