dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize