I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
