i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
