I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The Olympian is in my bed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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