sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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