I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
