I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
