she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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