if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize