So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
bring money and cleavage
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
