my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
