I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
