Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize