Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
