I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
