If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
