belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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