i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
