as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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