Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
