hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
