You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
