listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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