gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
