We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
