The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
