One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
