Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
