Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
