I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
