Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
