Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
