And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
