Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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