That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
