you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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