All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
