sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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