He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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