I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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