Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
