Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
