mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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